Panic! at the Disco - A Fever You Can't Sweat Out

You know, Panic! at the Disco’s A Fever You Can’t Sweat Out has made me realize something: I’m not a teenager anymore. This is not a shocking revelation to me, and now I’m thinking that it’s not such a bad thing. If this is where teenagers are at now, then I gladly leave those days behind me. Panic! at the Disco may be all the rage these days, but it really makes we wonder what they’re teaching in those schools of theirs.

The band pulls off a pretty good magic act, though. They make you think they’re saying something deep, and maybe even believe that they are. But they’re basically just a bunch of snot-nosed conceited kids who haven’t thought about the fact that they might actually be wrong yet. That’s what teenagers do, though, so it’s not surprising considering that Panic! at the Disco’s members are barely out of high school. For the most part, they are singing about things that seem really important to teens, and even to some adults. But their discourse about them reveals that they don’t have a freaking clue what they’re talking about. That’s not terribly surprising either.

It’s obvious that their influences are Nirvana, the Offspring, The Beatles, and the Chemical Brothers. For all the good history they take into consideration, they have learned none of those groups’ melodicism. This album has as many hooks as a bowling ball, a very bad thing for a punk band. The way they make their songs stick in your mind is through repetition and violently hammering them into your brain, since they’re fully aware that the riffs are unremarkable on their own. The tendency these days towards very long sentence-like song titles (Fall Out Boy is guilty of it as well) is supposed to be snarky, but instead is annoying. The incredible self-awareness of the lyrics makes me shake my head. This is a band that sings about being in a band to the point of wanting to tell them to shut the hell up.

“London Beckoned Songs About Money Written By Machines” is very strong evidence that Panic! at the Disco came out of the womb being too big for its conceited britches. “Time to Dance” is the closest thing to a smooth groove, but it’s marred by the lyrics’ clumsy melody. “But It’s Better If You Do” portrays the world of cheap strip clubs pretty skillfully, but I can’t get away from the fact that the kids in Panic! at the Disco must be talking out of their collective ass, since none of them could have possibly ever been in a strip club. I appreciate the skewering of the fashion industry in “There’s a Good Reason These Tables are Numbered Honey You Just Haven’t Thought of It Yet,” but it has a song title that is too freaking long!!!! And on “Build God, Then We’ll Talk” they resort to ripping off The Sound of Music. Very classy.

What’s sad is that Panic! at the Disco probably think they’re the greatest thing since sliced bread. What’s even sadder is that the general public does too.

Prime Cuts:
Time to Dance

22 Rating: -12